Relationships: The Good The Bad & The Ugly
Relationships are such an integral part of our lives. Are your relationships building you up, or are they bringing you down? Are they based on true love, or driven by lust? Maybe you feel pressured to do things you don't want to.
Whatever your situation, we're here to provide you with support and counsel to make healthy relationship choices. We'd welcome a chance to talk, but in the meantime, here are a few things worth thinking about.
Are Your Relationships Healthy?
Do your relationships bring you down or do they help build you up as a person?
Do you date out of love or lust? Do you feel pressured to do things you don’t want to do?
Alpha Center is here to provide you with support and counsel to make healthy relationship choices
Love vs. Lust |
|
|---|---|
LUST |
LOVE |
| Starts fast, ends fast. | Starts slowly, difficult to end. |
| Short-lived feelings that come and go | Long-lasting feelings that grow with time. |
| Feelings based on shallow traits like physical appearance. | Feelings based on all the characteristics of that person. |
| One or two main things are what attract you to that person. | You’re attracted by many qualities besides looks (values, goals, etc..) |
| Sexual attraction is constantly on your mind. | You like being with the person even without physical contact. |
| You think a lot about the satisfaction the other person brings you. | Your real focus is on how happy you can make the other person. |
| The other person hasn’t any faults | You see the faults and work through them. |
| Often leads to feelings of doubt, guilt and frustration. | Often leads to feelings of self-confidence, trust, security and happiness |
| Can’t survive separation. | Survives Separation |
| Jealousy is frequent and severe | Jealousy is less frequent and severe |
| Has a disorganizing and destructive effect on your personality | Has an organizing and a constructive effect on your personality |
| Self-centered, concerned for your own feelings, restrictive | Others-centered, concerned for your partner’s feelings, outgoing |
| Takes from the relationship | Wants to share, give of self |
| Uses words like I, me, my | Uses words like we, our, us |
| The other person is the center of attention, all other interests are excluded | Attention is focused on a wide-range of interest of both persons |
| Quarrels become more frequent and severe | Quarrels become less frequent and severe |
| Parents and friends are concerned and don’t approve | Wants parent’s and friend’s approval |
| You hide your faults so they will still like you | You avoid pretending and let your real self be known |
*Compliments of HEART CHOICES
Relationship Red Flags!
- I am pulling away from my friends
- My friends think I am obsessed with this person
- My attitude towards my future plans and goals are changing
- I can’t stand to be away from this person
- There is a lot of possessiveness in this person
- I can’t stand to see this person talking to another guy or girl
- We are always doing what he/she wants to do
- We can’t seem to keep our hands off each other.
- All I can concentrate on is how this person looks and dresses.
- I am not myself with this person.
- This romance started very quickly.
- I think this person is perfect.
- I have unresolved conflict with this person, but it doesn’t matter.
- We seem to be very serious with each other.
- We are frequently alone and physical with one another.
- This person frequently embarrasses me or makes fun of me in front of others.
- This person makes me feel there is not way out of this relationship.
- This person uses intimidation to make me do what they want.
- This person seldom takes responsibility for their actions and blames other for problems.
- This person seems to have a short fuse and gets angered easily.
- When I am around this person, I often feel guilty or inadequate.
- This person usually takes charge.
- At times this person is extremely charming and tells me how much he/she loves me but other times this person is demeaning and disrespectful.
- Most of my family and friends disapprove of this person.
- I don’t get along with this person’s friends or family.
*Compliments of WAIT Training. Waittraining.org
Healthy Dating
Keys to Successful Dating:
- Get a life of your own.
- Get grounded
- Get grouped
- Get goal-oriented
- Get giving
- Get growing
- Use your Brain
- Balance romance with common sense, reason, judgment and discernment
- Seek Similarities
- Healthy relationships and marriages are ones in which there is a strong foundation of similarities in background, goals, temperament, dreams, and values.
- Take it Slow
- You do not get to know a person well in a short period of time.
- You need time to bond.
- You need to protect yourself from getting attached too quickly
- Set clear boundaries
- Draw definitive lines in the physical/sexual area of your relationship.
- Communicate how you feel to your partner. Own your own feelings and be able to separate them from your partners.
- Take ownership of your thoughts – keep them pure.
- Take responsibility for your own actions – don’t try to change someone.
- Save Sex for Marriage
- Reserve the intimate physical steps for marriage
- Living together before marriage doesn’t promote a healthier marriage.
- Research indicates that couples who live together prior to marriage have a greater chance of getting a divorce than those who don’t.
- Women who cohabitate are twice as likely to experience domestic violence than married women.
- Engage in healthy responses to conflict
- Avoid “avoidance,” defensiveness,” invalidation and “intensification.”
- Fight fair: take time to consider what you really need to express and be respectful to your partner.
- Notice any danger signs and end the relationship.
(Any type of abuse, addictions, infidelity, emotional baggage, jealousy, immaturity, etc.) - Choose your dating and marriage partner wisely.
- Do you feel encourages, affirmed, inspired and challenged to grow and be a better person when you are with this person?
Purpose of Dating:
- Get to know yourself and others – likes, dislikes, values, way of communicating, etc.
- Learn to feel more at ease in a relationship
- Feel acceptance from another person who chooses to spend time with you
- Develop your sense of independence
- Choose a marriage partner and prepare for a lasting relationship
Setting Dating Standards:
- Have a plan
- Set your physical intimacy boundary before you go on the date. Guys and girls are jointly responsible for setting and maintaining limits.
- Verbally communicate your boundaries to your partner.
- You can stop at any step of intimacy – physical intimacy does not have to progress.
- Have self-control
- Consider your manner of dress and stay sober
- Use non-verbal and verbal skills if needed.
*Compliments of WAIT Training. Waittraining.org
I’ve Been Raped
What is date rape? The act of forcing sex on a date. The use of force or coercion may be by verbal pressure, threats, physical restraint or physical violence.
Any time a person’s protest against engaging in sexual activity is ignored, sexual assault has occurred. The rapist could be anyone – an aquantance, classmate, co-worker – even a boyfriend.
SAVA (Sexual Assault Victim Advocate)
(970) 472-4200 or 1-800-656-HOPE
24 Hour Rape Crisis Hotline
If you or someone you know has been sexually violated,
the Sexual Assault Victim Advocate (SAVA) Center can help.
Trained advocates staff the 24 Hour Rape Crisis Hotline that provides:
- Crisis intervention
- Support throughout the medical and criminal justice processes
- Information and referrals
- Support for a survivor's family, friends, and co-workers Free of charge
- Rape Crisis Hotline (970) 472-4200
Mentor Programs
The Alpha Center is here if you would like to meet with someone to talk about healthy relationships, accountability or abstinence education. We offer this FREE of charge and under complete confidentiality.
Contact Us today to set up a time to meet with someone.
